My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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