guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize