I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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