i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize