Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
