youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
