I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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