somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
