so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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