i already hear my dad disowning me
accomplished twins. life is a go
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
