my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
