At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
