Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize