end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
