I'm going to rape someone's good day.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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