it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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