great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
