My hand turned me down
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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