So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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