Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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