winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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