After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
