so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
