i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
