I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
