I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
