Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
