Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
