Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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