I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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