Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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