we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
