He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
