woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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