maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
