i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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