I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
