forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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