anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I could fuck to npr.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
