i love accidental penises.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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