Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
