This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
