At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
