Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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