Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Houston, we have a squirter
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
