i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
