you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My vagina just recognized that song.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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