Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
