Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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