Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Randomize
