I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
