Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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