You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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