girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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