Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
