I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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