watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
