Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
