Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
is it fun? or sober?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
