I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't put those talents on a resume
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
