Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You made out with two different species that night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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