You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You were trust falling into bushes
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
