Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize