Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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