I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
