is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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