if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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