dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
