we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
